


Revenge and Other Things on Midas' Christmas List

by Silver33650



Category: Fortnite (Video Game)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Christmas Presents, Gen, Humor, Impossible to Shop For, Misunderstandings, Surprise Party, Swearing, True Meaning of Christmas, Video Game Mechanics, full disclosure: Midas becomes a reboot card but gets rebooted a sentence later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:48:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28144131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silver33650/pseuds/Silver33650
Summary: Jules is determined to find Midas the perfect gift, but there's only one thing he really wants, and she's not sure how to wrap it. Perhaps there is another way to help him find the True Meaning of Christmas, or at least just Fortnite.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 11





	Revenge and Other Things on Midas' Christmas List

Winter had arrived on the island, bringing with it a desert, for some reason. Still, that did nothing to diminish the Christmas spirit present among those trapped in the loop. Particularly when there was no Christmas spirit present to begin with, as there was with one infamous former spymaster. 

Jules checked in on Midas out of duty more than any remaining shreds of affection for him, as he had become even more intolerable after Fortnitemares ended, despite no longer being a spooky ghost. Currently he spent his days holed up in Ghost House being incredibly rude to anyone who dared enter. But the advent of winter reminded her of the days when they had baked cookies together while Christmas music played in the background, and she found herself feeling so nostalgic as to be inspired to give her brother a proper Christmas. She'd asked him to make a list during her last visit, and hoped there would be something easy to get on the list. Preferably a weapon, as Brutus' business was booming, and he'd already, if reluctantly, agreed to give her a holiday discount. 

Midas was sulking in his usual spot- a chair facing the wall in the corner where he was reading a book- when she arrived. "Did you make that list like I asked?" Jules asked.

"Yes," Midas said, handing it over his shoulder. "Although I doubt you'll be able to deliver any of it." 

Jules reviewed the sheet. 

**Things I Would Like for Christmas:**  
1\. Revenge  
2\. Revenge  
3\. Fucking vault loot sharks already for the love of God  
4\. Revenge  
5\. Revenge  
6\. My fucking Agency back to its former glory  
7\. Revenge  
8\. Revenge  
9\. Revenge  
10\. Jonesy in Smash so maybe he'll stay the fuck away from here for once  
11\. Revenge  
12\. Revenge

Jules frowned. She wasn't even sure what a Smash was. "I'm surprised your drum gun isn't on here."

"That's because there's no chance I'll ever get it back. I won't suffer that nerfed version They gave me during Fortnitemares again."

"It worked just fine for me in season 3."

"I have standards, Jules."

"Well, what about your chair?"

"No thanks. Being forcibly brought back to life with it has, admittedly, soured me on it."

"So you only want four things for Christmas."

"Twelve things. One per day."

"Nine of them are the same."

Midas sighed. "This is why you aren't a spy, Jules."

Jules decided to leave this conversation where it was and left. She wasn't entirely sure how to give him revenge, as Midas had always been rather vague on this point, and so she decided to focus on the other options first. 

  
**1\. Vault loot sharks**

This seemed to be the easiest one to fulfill, so Jules made her way around the island's coast and killed every shark she found. She returned to Ghost House, dragged Midas out of the basement, and showed him every shoreline to prove that all the sharks were gone. Midas was, grudgingly, impressed. 

However, on their way back to Ghost House, an I.O. elevator appeared with a shark on it, and Midas scowled at Jules and killed it while giving her an incredibly condescending look the entire time. 

  
**2\. Restore the Agency to its former glory**

Jules wasn't too thrilled about this one, as she would always think the Authority was better, but it was Christmas, and it was what her brother wanted. So Jules, eager to get this over with, collected max brick at Coral Castle and headed to the area beneath the Zero Point to build a structure that at least somewhat resembled the Agency. 

Midas was not impressed, and knocked it down with grenades before returning to Ghost House. 

  
**3\. Jonesy in Smash (whatever that means)**

With nothing left to try, Jules decided to tackle the Jonesy thing. She decided to ask every Jonesy she could find on the island about it, in hopes that one of them would know what Midas was talking about. 

**"Hi Jonesy, do you know if you'll be in Smash?"**  
_Castaway Jonesy_ : No idea, but do you happen to know if They're going to unvault the flare gun any time soon? I can't get a win this season.   
_Relaxed Fit Jonesy_ : No idea, but do you know if They're going to add a new food item for Christmas?  
_Jonesy the First_ : No idea, but do you know if Tilted is going to come back completely, or is Salty Towers as good as it's gonna get?  
_Chapter 2 Default Jonesy_ : No idea, but do you know if They're giving out free outfits this year? Kind of tired of wearing this.   
_Bunker Jonesy_ : That's not the way out of the loop. 

Jules tried asking Bunker Jonesy for more information, but he became quite insistent that it was a Secret and wouldn't say anything further. With no other options, she headed toward the Zero Point to see if Agent Jonesy was there, and was surprised to see that he was. 

**"Hi Jonesy, do you know if you'll be in Smash?"** _  
Agent Jonesy_ : That's classified. 

He then took out a rather strange gun and shot Jules with it, and she found herself at Hut Watch without being able to remember the past few minutes. 

Fortunately, there was quite a crowd at Hut Watch, which had become a Ghost-managed coffee shop this season. Jules didn't like it for this reason, but they made great lattes and served everyone, so she ordered and sat down at a table. 

She was joined by Brutus and Chaos Agent not long after, to her surprise. "How's your Christmas shopping going?" Brutus asked. 

"It's not," Jules said. "I failed at everything Midas wants so far. Do you think there's any chance of getting his original drum gun?"

"Oh, no, that's so vaulted They won't even put it in Creative," Brutus said.

"Fuck," said Jules. "Well, what are you getting him?"

"Socks."

"That is so cliche."

Brutus shrugged. "The man loves socks."

"Not enough to put them on his Christmas list." Jules looked at Chaos Agent. "What about you?"

"I'll be getting him what I get all my other employees, regardless of how short their term of service was," he said. "A charming ornament of Kevin the Cube."

"He doesn't even have a tree," Jules said. 

"Not my problem."

"What else does he want?" Brutus said. 

"Revenge."

Brutus lowered his sunglasses and gave her a look. "You do know one of the hunters is a literal spirit of vengeance, right?"

Jules had not, and so she made her way to Misty Meadows to ask Kondor to be Midas' Christmas gift. "You mean this guy?" Kondor said, pulling out a picture of Midas. "Agent Jonesy said we're supposed to stay far, far away from him. Especially me."

 _Of course he did._ "What if I brought him to you and you grant him a wish or something?" 

Kondor shrugged. "I give bounties to anyone."

So Jules went back to Ghost House and convinced Midas to come to Misty Meadows with her. He was quite pleased to see Kondor. "One revenge, please," Midas said. 

"That's not how this works," Kondor said. "I can sell you a weapon, or upgrade one, or give you a bounty to complete."

"Bounty, I guess, then."

Kondor pulled out a picture of an Aura. "Their name is Anonymous[293]. I think I saw them with a Sun Sprout back bling and harvesting mats with a Star Wand on the other side of town."

"Fuck," said Jules. "Well, I'm going to go hide until that expires and hope that a Christmas miracle happens and someone else manages to eliminate them."

But Midas, being the cocky son of a bitch that he was, decided to try to complete the bounty without her. It was not long before Jules received a notification that he had become a reboot card, and she found it the courtyard of a veritable resort. She sighed and picked it up. Then she realized that this was to perfect opportunity to give Midas the Christmas gift he really needed. 

* * *

"I don't understand why you took so long to bring me back," Midas muttered as they returned to Ghost House. "But at least you didn't fuck it up this time." 

Jules rolled her eyes and opened the door, where all of Midas' friends were waiting. "Surprise," they shouted, and Jules dragged Midas around to each one so he could receive his gifts. 

**Chaos Agent  
**

"I got you this Kevin the Cube ornament," Chaos Agent said. 

"I don't have a Christmas tree," Midas said. 

"You could try wearing it as a bracelet." 

Midas slipped it on his wrist and shrugged.

**TNTina**

"I got you these grenades," TNTina said. 

"I already have some," Midas said, patting his belt. 

"Yeah, but these you can actually use in a match!"

**Meowscles**

"I got you this laser pointer," Meowscles said. 

"This feels more like a gift for you," Midas said. 

"It is."

Midas smirked. "Let's play with it on a beach. Like the one at the Shark."

Jules pulled Midas away while he was giving dirty looks at his cat. 

**Brutus**

"I got you these socks," Brutus said. 

"Thank you," Midas said. "These will come in quite handy."

The two men then stared at each other awkwardly. Jules glanced back and forth between them. "Am I missing something?" she asked. 

"No," Midas said quickly, while Brutus said, "He's just embarrassed."

**Skye**

"I got you this shark plushie!" Skye said. 

"Is this some kind of twisted joke?" Midas asked.

"Sorry, I meant to say, fshark plushie."

"Okay, everyone," Jules said quickly, for she had spotted Midas' eye start twitching, "I think that does it! Thanks for coming!"

The agents shuffled out and left. "This was a terrible Christmas," Midas said.

"Well, look at all the people who were here for you," Jules said. "Maybe the True Meaning of Fortnite was the friends we met along the way!"

"I suppose that's one way to deal with being trapped here and having nothing else to do. So what friends do you play the game with, Jules?" Midas paused. "Scratch that. You have friends? The henchmen don't count," he added, just as Jules opened her mouth. 

Jules scowled. "I have plenty of friends."

"Like? Oh, and mine don't count either."

"Well, there's Chic-"

"We all know Chic doesn't exist."

"But-"

"She wasn't in any loading screens, so she doesn't exist."

Jules rolled her eyes. "Whatever. I'm done with you. I have to collect more bars for a quest."

"See, I keep hearing about these bars, but I don't understand them," Midas said. "How are you collecting buildings? Or is it stamps from the establishments for ordering a drink, or shot glasses, or what?"

Jules blinked. "You think 'bars' refer to alcohol suppliers?"

"What else would it mean?"

Jules slapped her forehead. "Bars of _gold_ , like little golden rectangles, Midas. For fuck's sake."

Now Midas blinked. "Wait, gold? Like, the thing I do with my hands?"

"Well it's certainly not the thing you do with Brutus on the weekends."

But there were already the beginnings of a smile on Midas' face, which quickly grew into a wide, if rather unsettling, grin. He grabbed her hand. "COME, JULES!" Midas said, beginning to sound like his old self again, as he pulled her out of Ghost House and up the cliffside. "WE HAVE AN ECONOMY TO CRASH!"

And so Midas used his golden touch to create a great many bars, and was able to purchase exotic weapons every match and eliminated players in great numbers, earning so many victory royales that he was suspected of cheating- which, let's be honest, he basically was- and was banned permanently. He was then forced to spend his days in Creative under an alt account, but was pleasantly surprised to find that the Agency had been added as a prefab to Creative anyway, and thus he lived there happily ever after, while still finding time to volunteer to host sock puppet shows for children at the library with Brutus on the weekends. 

The end. 

**Author's Note:**

> what I wanted for Christmas was Samus in Fortnite and Jonesy in Smash, because they had the PERFECT opportunity to announce it, but when "One-Winged Angel" started playing, I was still pretty happy. but SOMEDAY.


End file.
